Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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