the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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