I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
