I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
