great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
