its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
babies were throwing up all over the place
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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