just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
