i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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