btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
