thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
