thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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