I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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