eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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