I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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