Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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