This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
