I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
