did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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