If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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