i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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