i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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