thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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