I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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