Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
