I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
