Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
