I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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