Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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