You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
