Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
