It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Damn victory sex feels great
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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