fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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