I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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