My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
