Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
