I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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