Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
