And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
