fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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