I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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