is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
