I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
