1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
