do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
