I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
