I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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