State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
