So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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