Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
