Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize