I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
