Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
