Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday