Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  Let's get naked and see who's stronger.

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  (360): Let's get naked and see who's stronger. http://tfl.nu/4286
  Replies (8) Good night (1845) Bad night (575)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

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  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (1115) Bad night (8277)
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  (845): View more from New York

  my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

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  (845): my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie http://tfl.nu/7ez3
  Replies (14) Good night (1963) Bad night (3932)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.

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  (770): my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf. http://tfl.nu/iy7m
  Replies (10) Good night (1169) Bad night (4217)
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  (925): View more from California

  First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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  (925): First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me. http://tfl.nu/pldx
  Replies (14) Good night (2672) Bad night (891)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

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  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (14) Good night (9689) Bad night (2441)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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  (814): I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him. http://tfl.nu/ieqp
  Replies (15) Good night (3714) Bad night (801)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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  (732): you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito" http://tfl.nu/4p4o
  Replies (5) Good night (2490) Bad night (719)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.

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  (603): He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it. http://tfl.nu/lxzp
  Replies (6) Good night (1298) Bad night (916)
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  (408): View more from California

  So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl

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  (408): So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl http://tfl.nu/o5bm
  Replies (8) Good night (2265) Bad night (541)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Thank god I got my shit together

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  (203): Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment (410): Thank god I got my shit together http://tfl.nu/mezm
  Replies (2) Good night (955) Bad night (544)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...

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  (401): I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is... http://tfl.nu/ftaa
  Replies (5) Good night (486) Bad night (677)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for

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  (410): Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something. (443): *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for http://tfl.nu/ud0q
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (502)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.

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  (+44): Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating. http://tfl.nu/05l7
  Replies (3) Good night (340) Bad night (844)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I think you just miss his friendship.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.

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  (404): I think you just miss his friendship. (1-404): I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms. http://tfl.nu/chz3
  Replies (1) Good night (1000) Bad night (250)

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