I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize