so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??