I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cockslap morals
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.