Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (1034) Bad night (3754)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel

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  (336): There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel http://tfl.nu/7mru
  Replies (16) Good night (863) Bad night (3407)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

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  (508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u
  Replies (36) Good night (10320) Bad night (896)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack

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  (631): Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack http://tfl.nu/plmg
  Replies (10) Good night (1074) Bad night (4001)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.

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  (806): Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one. http://tfl.nu/nt34
  Replies (4) Good night (3090) Bad night (947)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog

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  (860): That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog http://tfl.nu/ckju
  Replies (6) Good night (1288) Bad night (2983)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.

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  (541): Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in. http://tfl.nu/jhqc
  Replies (7) Good night (3928) Bad night (798)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.

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  (610): I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/zt1t
  Replies (10) Good night (1157) Bad night (2841)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.

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  (715): Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober. http://tfl.nu/abtg
  Replies (2) Good night (3495) Bad night (930)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?

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  (802): Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin? http://tfl.nu/zb3y
  Replies (20) Good night (3060) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.

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  (815): Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants. http://tfl.nu/z0pn
  Replies (4) Good night (1754) Bad night (936)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, I did. It's a long story.

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  (484): Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that? (732): No, I did. It's a long story. http://tfl.nu/j226
  Replies (2) Good night (1543) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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  (434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws
  Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  omg i wish you could see the front of my car.

  (909): View more from California

  There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.

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  (909): omg i wish you could see the front of my car. (909): There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood. http://tfl.nu/64tw
  Replies (7) Good night (979) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.

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  (508): just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing. http://tfl.nu/syuf
  Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (625)

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