saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud