Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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