Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
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who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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