nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
