Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
