Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
