Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
