Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
