just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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